This was sometime in March 2016.
Tired and frustrated waiting for some funds to make ‘Music Teacher’, I think I had slowly slipped into a very dark space.
When the river dries up, boulders show.
I would get angry at the drop of a hat. I felt the lack of any hope. I could not write anything new. That got me into a deeper spiral of fear and finally something like depression. The house felt like a prison and I desperately wanted to go out and travel. At the same time it was not very prudent to splurge on an exotic solo vacation. The balance in the bank account just did not allow.
But I also knew if I let this continue, I would end up more miserable than I was already. So I took a train to a coastal town called Ratnagiri. And from there took an auto rickshaw to a destination called Ganapatipule. People throng Ganapatipule for pilgrimage to an ancient Ganapati temple pinned right on the seashore at the heart of the sleepy town. I checked in a small hotel little away from the temple rush. I had stayed there for about 4 days. Luckily I had found a way to channel my inner darkness into a new story. These were the initial firming up days of my screenplay called ‘Erase’.
So I was writing at my table at the hotel. Had kept the door to the room and to the balcony open to let the soothing sea breeze cross ventilate.
I look on a whim and find this old friend of mine from a past life standing at the door. Scared as if, that I may not recognise her. That was my immediate feeling the moment I saw her.
She was a petite adolescent dog. I named her 'Past'.
Past and I took ages to befriend. I'd go to her, she'd run away. I'd return to my chair and soon she'd be back at the door.
I owed her the few days of comfort. Perhaps. So finally she came in and we got talking and playing. We shared biscuits, dinner. Then I did not find the heart to send her out for the night. I was alone. Had to write deep into the night. Needed just a few hours on just one side of the bed.
She came to help me rid myself of the darkness inside. She took my load away.
I gave her a warm water bath with a spare Medimix soap, plucked the few ticks off her and then put her on the bed. I'm sure it was her first. She fell asleep. I wrote till early hours as Past slept on the bed.
It got cold when I finally retired. I tucked her under the covers and went off to sleep. At around 4 or 5 in the morning, I woke up to find Past closer to me. She was holding me but was still asleep.
At 6 in the morning I let her out to greet the day. During the day I moved around, took pictures, wrote... By evening I was too tired to venture out. I ordered room service and had dinner. Past was nowhere in sight. Late in the night I wondered where did the little fellow go. I thought I'd go out and just take a walk and see if I could find her.
I open the door. And she is just outside. Quietly waiting...
I did not have a dog at home back then. This was my first tryst with a dog at such proximities. Past stayed with me all the 3/4 nights.
On the morning I was to finally leave, I had, as per routine, let her out early on. But when I was checking out, she was nowhere to be seen. Though I did not intend to bring her home and also it would not have been possible as I was booked on a train. Yet I wanted to see her once before I left.
With the auto waiting at the foyer I got a bit desperate to see her once.
Just when I had given up hope, I saw Past playing under a tree with something. I felt it was best to let Past be. Especially given that Past and me had nothing in the future more than the 3/4 days we spent together.
I got in the rickshaw and came back home. Refreshed, happy and with a robust promise of a new screenplay in my laptop.
And some of ‘Past’ captured in my camera...
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